Should You Date Someone Who Isn’t Catholic?

It’s one of the most common questions Catholic singles ask and one of the most important to get right.

You’ve met someone wonderful. They’re kind, funny, attractive, and they treat you well. There’s just one problem: they’re not Catholic. Maybe they’re a different kind of Christian. Maybe they’re not religious at all. But they’re open, right? Doesn’t that count for something?

Let’s talk about this honestly, because your heart (and your vocation) depend on it.

Marriage Requires Unity on What Matters Most

Here’s the question that cuts through the emotion: How do you marry someone you disagree with on fundamental realities?

We’re not talking about whether you prefer different restaurants or cheer for rival teams. We’re talking about truth. Morality. What happens after death. Whether the Eucharist is the Body of Christ or just a symbol. How you raise your children. What might send your soul to heaven or to hell.

These aren’t peripheral preferences. They’re the foundation of a Catholic marriage. And if you can’t agree on the foundation, what exactly are you building on?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church addresses this directly. While the Church permits interfaith marriages under certain conditions, it also offers a sober warning: “The difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated” (CCC 1634). That’s not the Church being rigid or old-fashioned. That’s the Church being honest about what she’s seen play out in the lives of countless couples.

The Trap of Missionary Dating

So what about dating someone who says they’re open to Catholicism? Surely there’s no harm in exploring that, right?

This is where things get dangerous and where many well-meaning Catholics fall into a trap called missionary dating.

Missionary dating is when you enter a romantic relationship hoping the other person will eventually convert. You tell yourself you’re just giving it a chance, keeping things casual, seeing where it goes. But here’s what actually happens.

You spend time together. You bond emotionally. You “fall in love.” And somewhere along the way, you realize they’re not actually making progress toward the faith. Maybe they came to Mass a few times, asked some questions, and then quietly stopped showing interest.

But now you’re emotionally attached. Walking away feels impossible. So you stay, hoping things will change and the longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave.

This isn’t a hypothetical. It happens all the time, and it almost always ends in one of two painful outcomes: either you marry someone who doesn’t share your faith and spend your marriage navigating that divide, or you go through a devastating breakup that could have been avoided.

But What If They’re Genuinely Interested?

Let’s be fair. There’s a difference between someone who’s politely tolerant of your faith and someone who’s genuinely drawn to Christ and His Church. If someone is sincerely exploring Catholicism, attending RCIA, or at least reading, asking real questions, seeking truth, that’s worth paying attention to.

But there’s a critical distinction: you can have those conversations without building a romantic relationship. You can be a friend. You can answer questions. You can invite them to Mass. You can point them toward good books, podcasts, and people who can walk with them on that journey.

What you shouldn’t do is date them while they figure it out. Because once romantic feelings are involved, neither of you can think clearly. Their decision about the faith gets tangled up with their feelings for you, and your discernment about the relationship gets clouded by attachment.

Let them come to the Church on their own terms, for their own reasons. If they become Catholic and you’re both still interested, wonderful. But don’t put the cart before the horse.

Why This Isn’t Close-Minded

Some people hear this advice and react strongly. “That’s so narrow-minded.” “You’re being judgmental.” “Love is all that matters.”

But think about it from the other direction. Would you want to marry someone who thought your deepest convictions were wrong? Would you want to raise children in a home where Mom and Dad can’t agree on whether to baptize them, take them to Mass, or teach them to go to Confession?

Wanting to share your faith with your spouse isn’t bigotry. It’s wisdom. It’s recognizing that marriage is hard enough at times when you agree on the big things and exponentially harder when you don’t.

Date with Intention

This is exactly why Catholic Chemistry exists. You deserve to meet someone who shares your faith, your values, and your vision for a sacramental marriage. You shouldn’t have to wonder whether the person across the table thinks the things you hold most sacred are silly or irrelevant.

Dating with intention means being honest about what you need in a spouse before your emotions take the wheel. It means trusting that God has someone for you who will walk beside you toward heaven, not away from it.

Don’t settle for “open to it.” Hold out for someone who’s already there, or at least genuinely on the way.

Your vocation is too important to leave to chance.